- “personal hardwiring that the Creator has formed in each of us”
- “viewpoints, instincts, and tastes that have been formed in us through the experiential, cultural, and relational influences that we have lived in and which have formed the way we see the world and respond to it”
- “personal sin and weakness” and “our growth in grace”
Paul Tripp lists those “tools of difference” with reference to marriage, but they apply more broadly to any relationship (What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage 
, p. 215).
This is a pretty basic list, but I think that you are good to point it out. Most people aren’t trained to think about how others provide a different and sometimes useful perspective. I think what you mentioned are some items that are basic ideas in higher education – but obviously most people don’t attain “higher education”.
Hey Andy,
I was just married last Saturday and in less than a week I found that I am much less prepared for it than I though. I’m going to pick up this book. Do you have any other recommendations? I tried to poke around your website to keep you from having to repeat yourself, but this was the only thing I could find here. Thanks.
Congrats! Here are four to start with:
1. Chapell, Bryan. Each for the Other: Marriage as It’s Meant to Be. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1998.
2. Harvey, Dave. When Sinners Say “I Do”: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd, 2007.
3. Mack, Wayne A. Strengthening Your Marriage. 2nd ed. Phillipsburg, NJ: Presbyterian & Reformed, 1999.
4. Mahaney, C. J. Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know. Wheaton: Crossway, 2004.